Captain Foulweather employs the adjective "emphatical" for everything. Goosecap describes most everything with the term "mortal" and is always referring to "tickling the vanity on" anything. Rudesby, as his name suggests, is a rude fellow. He eats garlic before courting and is a blunt speaker.

Jack and Will, the two English pages, describe their mistresses. Eugenia is a scholarly woman. Hippolyta is a chaste maid whose husband died at the altar. Penelope is not discussed because the supper breaks up and the pages must go in.

I.ii: Rudesby and Goosecap complain that the supper ended much too early. The ladies are obviously bored to death by the three foolish men. Eugenia sends for her uncle Momford to come to her. He will refresh her spirits, she hopes. They bid the three men goodnight and retire.

The knights observe that Foulweather did not get on with Eugenia well. Foulweather derides the English women by saying they are nothing like the good French women.

I.iii: The three pages enter and play a joke on the three men. They tell the men that the ladies are going early in the morning to Barnet (some ten miles away), and they wish the three men to meet them there. Not accompany them, meet them. The men decide that they fared better in their wooing than they had at first imagined. They determine to go to Barnet to meet their ladies in the morning.

I.iv: Clarence, Momford's best friend and bedmate, is pining away for love of Eugenia. When Momford discovers his best friend's love for his niece, he swears to make the match. Clarence is reluctant because he is a poor gentleman. Marriage to him would require Eugenia to marry beneath her. Momford says that she is a scholar and so is Clarence, therefore the match is inevitable. A messenger enters and bids Momford to Eugenia's house. Momford engages in a witty repartee with Winifred, a surly young woman.

II.i: Clarence, now at Eugenia's house, broods over his hopes at winning Eugenia, even though he is a scholar. Momford hides him in the room as Eugenia enters. He tells Eugenia that Clarence loves her. Eugenia is not pleased at the news. She has turned away many suitors-many rich. She is pleased to remain a widow, does not wish to marry beneath her station, and is shocked that her own favorite uncle would attempt to persuade her to a match. Clarence's intelligence is not enough to win her. Momford withdraws and tells Clarence-who heard nothing-that all is proceeding well and that Eugenia favors him.

The pages tell the ladies of their prank at sending the three men on a wild chase up to Barnet. When Hippolyta asks how the pages will excuse themselves to the foolish men, Will answers that they will devise something new with which to gull them.

Lord Tales (of Canterbury) and Sir Clement Kingcob enter. Tales is Goosecap's kinsman. Tales attempts to endear Goosecap to Lady Penelope by telling her of his good parts. He can mix perfume, knows the price of gloves, can sew, can turn pieces on a lathe. And that is about all Goosecap can do, although Tales holds that to be much in a man.

III.i: Near Barnet the three men have lost their horses while riding pell mell down a frost-slick hill. They are now on foot. Foulweather excuses his unhorsing. He was riding in the French manner, from which nothing-not even the sure knowledge of a fall-could dissuade him. Again Foulweather says the English women are not equal to the French. Will and Jack enter. They tell the men that they overheard the women saying that they sent the men to Barnet on a fool's mission on purpose. They are anxious to see which of the gallants is the more patient. Each has, according to Jack and Will, wagered on her man's patience. The three men agree not to mention the incident ever in order to prove each is a patient man.

The three are invited to Furnivall's party. Furnivall throws parties in order to get Lady Furnivall drunk because that is the only condition in which she is agreeable. Foulweather tells them that Furnivall loves a good fool better than anything, and Will promises to bring a fool to the party. Rudesby ends up frustrated with his companions.

III.ii: In Momford's house, Clarence composes a letter to Eugenia. Momford promises to deliver it.

IV.i: In Eugenia's house, Tales is still trying to persuade Penelope to love Goosecap. Hippolyta suggests they see Goosecap sew a little first. We learn from Kingcob that Goosecap is well landed, having some twenty miles together. Rudesby is also wealthy with an annual income of two thousand pounds.

Momford gives Eugenia Clarence's letter (from III.ii) privately. She must be persuaded to take it, then to read it, and finally to respond. When Eugenia refuses to respond, Momford says he'll take dictation from her or write the response himself. Eugenia finally relents and dictates a cold response to which she affixes her signature only to discover that Momford has inserted a promise that Eugenia shall marry Clarence. Momford says she has signed it and must go through with it. Momford says it is a jest and invites her to sup with him and his guests. He assures her Clarence will not be at the party because he is desperately ill. On the condition that she will not be thrown together with Clarence, Eugenia accepts the invitation.

IV.ii: At Lord Furnivall's house Furnivall is bragging to the three foolish men. Goosecap makes a fool of himself; he does not know the difference between "comparison" and "caparison;" "odious" and "odorous." Goosecap makes up outrageous lies about the fool that is being brought, pretending to know the fool well. Jack and Will enter with the sad news that the fool will not be able to come because he is too wise for the company, but they offer another fool in his place. And Goosecap, they say, knows this fool well. The original fool begs Goosecap to be content because he will not come. To tell the truth, the fool is dead. Goosecap says that it isn't possible, the fool would have written him in such an event. The three men and Furnivall are invited to Momford's party.

IV.iii: In Momford's house Momford tells Clarence that Eugenia requires coaxing and tells him about the lie that Clarence is sick. It is agreed between them that the doctor will call on Clarence during the party and Eugenia will be brought close to the chamber in order to hear Clarence's commendations of her to the doctor.

V.i: At Momford's party Goosecap displays his sewing (it depicts foolish scenes); he talks of feeding his glow-worms on charcoal and fire so they may be used to kindle his tobacco and otherwise makes a fool of himself before the ladies. All the while Tales interpolates the fool's banter into wise meanings, but the ladies are not fooled. Goosecap is anxious to marry because there is an annual football game between the bachelors and married men and all his friends are on the married men's side. Rudesby also courts Hippolyta in his blunt style.

The Doctor arrives and taken to Clarence. The news of Clarence's illness causes everyone in the room to speak on Clarence's good points, which Eugenia must hear.

V.ii: The doctor discovers that there is no physical ailment in Clarence. The party is conducted through the gallery above in order to view Momford's artwork. From there they all eavesdrop upon the doctor and Clarence. They hear Clarence praising Eugenia.

Eugenia, Penelope, and Hippolyta break away from the party and go to visit Clarence. Eugenia plays a trick upon her uncle. She hopes Momford will think she has left the party. He will be frustrated with her, thinking he has failed, and she will be visiting his sick friend with whom he hopes to match her. It becomes apparent that Eugenia is relenting and liking Clarence more and more. She suggests that she has been partial to Clarence all along. She expresses her feelings to Clarence.

The pages come in searching for the ladies. Momford comes in distracted that he should be so abused by his niece. Eugenia draws the curtains on Clarence's room and confesses that they are betrothed. Momford surprises her by making Clarence his heir, thus making him a substantial man. She is not marrying beneath her after all. Furnivall makes Foulweather his consort. Foulweather is satisfied since the woman he loves will be marrying a man who has lived in France. Goosecap reads a foolish sonnet and gets Penelope to marry him. They all retire to supper.

Eugenia is barely sketched in. Her scholarship does not seem to make her wise and in the end she seems to be swayed more by her emotions than her intellignece.

The two virgins, Hippolyta and Penelope, are mirror images. Hippolyta seems better written, but they both seem to be there only to give Foulweather's foolish companions a reason to be in the play.

Clarence is simply a brooding lover and a rather uninteresting one.

Momford is single minded. One wonders what Eugenia sees in him when he is so solicitous in the furtherance of Clarence over her initial objections.

The pages, Will, Jack and Bullaker, are the best chance for a unifying plot, but they fade into the background shortly after they play their trick on the men.

Tales is fun, but he also has a two-dimensional character that seems to exist only to try to make Goosecap palatable to Penelope.

The other characters are under-drawn.