Thomas Salusbury
LOVE OR MONEY
~1642
a synoptic, alphabetical character list
Note: The business with Medico in the trunk of dirty linens is very reminiscent of the trick played by Mistresses Ford and Page upon Falstaff in The Merry Wives of Windsor.
ÆSCULAPIUS
Only mentioned by Medico, who says he will shave his beard for a disguise even were it as luxurious as Æsculapius’ beard and made of pure gold.
ALCIDES
Only mentioned.
ANTIUS
He tries to talk Pamphilus out of marrying the fair-but-poor Maria and rather choose a wealthy woman for a wife as he has done. He is hopeful for the death of his own elderly, shrewish but rich wife, Xanthippi. He is nevertheless obliged to perform the part of the obedient husband to her whims and endure her derision. He humours her when she chides at him, knowing that he must remain in her good graces if he wishes to win her money when she dies. He promises her Ostriches and Cassowaries to keep her happy. He calls in the musicians and, against her will, has them play gay music for the company to dance, telling them that Xanthippi is a carefree old soul that loves drink and dancing. He proceeds to get her drunk until she passes out, having discovered that he can still enjoy life if he includes her, killing her, as it were, with kindness (or rather boisterous excess).
BROTHER, ANTIUS’
A ‘ghost character’. Xanthippi makes several derogatory references to her husband’s brother.
CORINNA
Comes in with Juristis and Medico at the end of Act I, bidding them to dance. When Nano courts her, she suggests that he has not grown into a proper man. She finds Mendoso’s salute a strange start to courtship and jokes that she would not have a Welsh man (for he stinks of toasted cheese), an Irish man (for they are all beggars), nor a Scot, though she would fancy a French man (except for the disease follows them). She asks Mendoso if he can dance, and he says that he can dance all night long. She replies that this makes him worthy of a lass. When Nano woos her again, she tells him a girl would have to be blind or foolish to marry one who would never be a man. When he points out that he is young, small and therefore pretty, she replies that she would rather have a man to play with than a boy to look upon. When Mendoso scares him away a second time, Corinna admits that, though a coward, Nano ‘talks well.’ She comes with Mendoso to Antius’ dance in honour of Xanthippi. To get ride of him, she vows to marry Nano if he can make good on his boast to steal her from Mendoso in the church. When Nano succeeds in frightening Mendoso away from his wedding by wearing a Turkish disguise, she submits to their agreement and resigns herself to take Nano as her husband.
FATHER, ANTIUS’
A ‘ghost character’. Xanthippi tells Antius plainly that her money has made him a man more surely than anything his parentage might have accomplished.
JURISTIS
A lawyer; he attempts to talk Pamphilus out of marrying Maria. He notes in regard to Antius that ‘he who marries money marries dirt’ and declines to dance at the end of Act I. In an attempt to spoil the marriage of Pamphilus, he woos Maria, claiming to have loved her before Pamphilus loved her, indeed, he claims to have loved her when she was still in her mother’s womb. Tricked by the disguised Pamphilus, he agrees to call on Maria by 2 o’clock disguised as a porter. He is further tricked into thinking that Maria is hiding in a trunk for him to carry away when it is in fact Medico hiding there. Discovering the trick only after a long, weary lug to a country house, and being taunted by Orlando, Juristis and Medico are duly chastened and agree to slink off and avoid the company of men.
MARIA
The fair-but-poor object of Pamphilus’ love. She kisses him for loving her though she is poor. She rejects the peculiar wooing of Juristis and refuses to listen to Medico’s claims that Pamphilus is impotent. Maria tells Pamphilus that both Juristis and Medico send her love tokens and seek to woo her behind his back and devises a stratagem for Pamphilus to wear a disguise and observe their behavior. When Orlando appears (rather suddenly) and professes his love for her, offering to kill her husband to be with her, she has him promise to meet her again at 3 o’clock. She makes Medico promise to shave off his beard as a disguise so none should know that he is courting her. When it appears that her husband has returned, she has Medico hide in a trunk of dirty linens in the next room. When Orlando returns with news of the trick’s success, she thanks him by giving him a few shillings. When he complains, she calls out Pamphillus to hear him and so silences Orlando with her virtue.
MEDICO
A doctor. He assures Antius that Xanthippi cannot live long, for her lungs are wasted away with chiding and she has fretted half her heart away. She will soon expire and so enrich Antius. He claims to be wounded when Xanthippi accuses him of conspiring with Antius against her life. He tells Corinna at the end of Act I that he cannot dance. He turns his attention to Maria, lying to her that she would never be happy with Pamphilus because, as his doctor, he knows that Pamphilus is impotent. When he returns to court her again, he meets Pamphilus who is disguised as a servant; Pamphilus informs him that Maria is alone as his master is thirteen miles away on special business. He hires the ‘servant’ to help him to win Maria. He agrees to Maria’s request to shave off his beard to disguise himself so no one will recognize him as he courts her. Fearful that Pamphilus has returned, he agrees to hide in a trunk of dirty linens. Discovering the trick only after a long, weary lug to a country house in the trunk that nearly ‘crushes’ his bones, and being taunted by Orlando, Juristis and Medico are duly chastened and agree to slink away and avoid the company of men.
MENDOSO
Antius refers to him as a captain, and he has recently returned from campaigns in Scotland. He runs Nano away, claiming that Corinna is his wife. He salutes her with a kiss and promises more. When she asks if he can dance, he replies that he can dance all night long then demonstrates by leaping upon the bench and dancing very well. When he again finds Nano courting Corinna, he calls him a ‘libidinous monkey’ and succeeds in scaring him off even though Nano has drawn his sword. He comes with Corinna to Antius’ dance in honour of Xanthippi. When later Corinna tells him that Nano means to steal her from him at the church, Mendoso boasts of all he has endured in the Scottish campaign and that he is therefore not frightened by the posturings of such a ‘jackanapes.’ At the wedding, however, he is frightened away by Nano disguised as a Turk in a turban and thereby loses Corinna.
MESSENGER
Enters late in the play to invite Pamphilus and Maria to the wedding of Mendoso and Corinna.
MOTHER, ANTIUS’
A ‘ghost character’. Xanthippi tells Antius plainly that her money has made him a man more surely than anything his parentage might have accomplished.
MOTHER, MARIA’S
A ‘ghost character’. Juristis claims to have loved Maria in her mother’s womb when first she announced her pregnancy.
MUSICIANS
Enter with Nano at the end of Act I to play the dance music and appear throughout this play, which has a number of dances in it.
NANO
A young and small man enamoured of Corinna, he enters at the end of Act I with musicians intending to dance with her. He challenges the claim that Corinna is Mendoso’s wife but runs away when Mendoso threatens to ‘carbonado’ his ‘small bones’. He returns and woos her later but Corinna rebuffs him because he has no heart to fight. When Mendoso confronts him again, he draws a sword upon him but is run off a second time. He later swears that when Mendoso takes Corinna to church that he will steal her from him; he makes her vow that she will be his if he can accomplish this. At the wedding, he appears dressed as a Turk with a turban on his head, which indeed frightens Mendoso away. He takes Corinna to wife and bids all to his home for the wedding feast where he promises there shall be plenty of dancing.
ORLANDO
A soldier. He enters in the middle of the play and is immediately smitten with Maria, telling her it is a shame that she is already married. He says that he would kill her husband to be with her though he were to hang the next day for it. He says he would do the same even were there two husbands and agrees to meet Maria at 3 o’clock, saluting her before he goes. He comes to Antius’ dance in honour of Xanthippi and, believing Antius’ claims that Xanthippi is a carefree old soul who loves drink and dancing, forces her to dance with him. He follows Juristis, who is disguised as the porter, as the latter carries Medico in the trunk of dirty linens, chastising them both when they discover that they have been duped. He returns to Maria to report how he ‘swinged’ the two and is surprised when her thanks is only money. When Maria calls out her secreted husband to hear Orlando’s complaint, Orlando congratulates Pamphilus for having a good wife and asks how he might be able to come by one as virtuous.
PAMPHILUS
Offers four hundred pounds per annum as a jointure in order to marry the fair-but-poor Maria and immediately raises it to a thousand. He is quick to place a price upon her grace, beauty, modesty, commodifying her virtues. He criticizes Antius’ ‘longnosed’ mistress as having wealth only. He can scarcely believe it when Maria tells him that both Juristis and Medico send her love tokens and seek to woo her behind his back and agrees to her stratagem to wear a disguise and observe them. Disguised as a servant, he opens the door to Medico and informs him that his mistress is alone as his master is thirteen miles away on special business and agrees to be Medico’s eyes and ears in the house and help him to win Maria. He makes the same arrangement with Juristis and tells him to come at 2 o’clock disguised as a porter. He tricks Medico into hiding in a trunk of dirty linens and then tricks Juristis into believing that it is Maria hiding there to be stolen away. He later applauds Maria’s clever stratagem and withdraws to eavesdrop upon how she is now to dispatch Orlando. He steps out when Maria calls him, and tells Orlando if he were to gain a virtuous wife that he must look for one with beauty and wit and take no account of money.
PORTER
Disguise adopted by Juristis when attempting to woo Maria.
SERVANT
A disguise employed by Pamphilus to see for himself that Juristis and Medico are attempting to woo his wife, Maria.
SISTER, MARIA’S
A ‘ghost character’. When Juristis claims to have loved Maria in her mother’s womb when first she announced her pregnancy, Maria points out that she was not the first daughter, and he must have fallen in love with her elder sister.
TURK
At the end of the play, Nano appears at Mendoso’s wedding disguised in a floor-length Turkish gown complete with turban.
XANTHIPPI
Antius’ wealthy, elderly wife whom Pamphilus describes as ‘longnosed’. She upbraids her husband for being inattentive and accuses both him and Medico of plotting against her life. She tells Antius that her money made him a man and that he must never be ungrateful to her. She says that, before they met, she was not froward but had a heart as merry as any fifty-five-year-old. When Antius calls forth a dance, she objects because the music is not solemn, but Orlando forces her to dance with him and drink (believing Antius that she is a carefree old soul who loves drink and dancing). She later chastises Antius for making ‘an honest woman’ drunk, but continues drinking all the same, all the while saying that his ruse shall not work, for she will not die to please him. She passes out from the drink, and Antius must drag her away.