Penelope Plotwell's disguise. She is the 'wonder of the Court' and 'talk of the town.' No one knows where she came from, but she lives like a queen by her wits alone. She has vowed never to marry unless she is won by stratagem. She engages in a war of wits with Bright, Newcut, Timothy, and Frank and bests them. She asks Frank to remain behind. We learn from their conversation that she is actually his sister, Penelope, and he is furnishing her money from Warehouse's coffers to maintain her disguise as a wealthy woman. She agrees to marry Warehouse as part of Frank's plan. She marries Timothy and sends him to bed to wait for her. When Baneswright and Warehouse arrives, she claims there has been a mistake. She is already married, and she intended Warehouse to marry Dorcas all along. See also PENELOPE PLOTWELL.
BANESWRIGHT
Old Plotwell's disguise. He is a matchmaker. He helps Madam Aurelia to a new maid. Warehouse hires him to find a wife so he can get an heir after disowning Frank. Frank suborns him into agreeing to supply Lady Aurelia as the bride. He convinces Warehouse to marry her in the French church (and language) because it does not require a license and, he claims, Frank has bribed all the offices not to grant him a marriage license. He is surprised to learn that Aurelia will not marry Warehouse but rather Dorcas. He falls into the plot as soon as Aurelia tells him that Frank has changed the plan. He arrives in the final scene newly disguised. He and Quartfield come in the final scene in disguise to assure Warehouse's 'lost' ships. They engage in the assurances with Warehouse. As a final unmasking in the play, he reveals himself to be old Plotwell, Warehouse's brother and the father of Frank and Penelope.
BENCHERS
"Ghost characters." Bright and Newcut say they were called away by the benchers to contribute to one of them that has become a Reader.
BOY, ROSECLAP'S
A singer. He sings a song about the wonderful fish that the captain displays.
BRIGHT
One of two Templars along with Newcut, one of Frank Plotwell's "Fleet street friends." He resents Warehouse taking Plotwell from the Temple to make him a journeyman. Bright and Newcut tear off Frank's velvet jacket (his merchant weeds) and tell him to put on one of his Temple suits of silk. He engages in a war of wits along with Newcut, Timothy, and Frank, and she bests them. Bright and Newcut overhear Baneswright's plan to marry Warehouse to Lady Aurelia and go to dissuade her from the match. They try to talk her out of marrying the cold old man and taking instead their friend Frank Plotwell. She says she knows him to be only a prodigal and abused with the company of Bright and Newcut who live by "the new heresy" of Platonic Love. They agree later to help Frank in his plan to abuse Warehouse. After the faux marriage, the footmen bring in two "night pieces" for the new bride, Dorcas. When Warehouse pulls the curtains aside the 'pictures' turn out to be Bright and Newcut.
CHILDREN, DORCAS'S
Fantasy characters. After the faux marriage, Frank and Roseclap convince Warehouse that Dorcas is infamous and has had three (or four) children out of wedlock by a Frenchman, a Dutchman, and a Moor.
COBBLER
Disguise adopted by Warehouse. He hears Frank declare himself glad that Warehouse has drowned.
CYPHER
Warehouse's factor. He is to spy on Frank Plotwell while Warehouse pretends to be dead. He disguises himself as a waterman. He unmasks himself with Warehouse and Seathrift once the boys have betrayed themselves and rioters. He changes sides and helps Frank next. He goes along with the faux wedding and, in disguise as a sailor, tells Warehouse that two of his ships are lost at sea. After Warehouse signs away three quarters of the ships' worth in assurances, he unmasks and reveals that the ships are safe.
DEACON, FRENCH
Disguise assumed by Salewit in Frank's strategem. His role is to marry Warehouse to the Lady Aurelia. He reads not from the scriptures but rather from Rabelais when he "marries" Dorcas to Warehouse. He comes to bless the venison at the house, but Warehouse sends him away for marrying him to a notorious whore.
DORCAS
The 'lady Aurelia's' maid. She is Puritanical and sermonizes as she dresses her lady. She is so fanatical that she even sews religion into her mistress' petticoats. Later, she comes to announce the arrival of the priest but she is out of her Puritan dress and dressed in fashionable clothes. She discloses a secret to Aurelia/Penelope, and she agrees to help Dorcas to win Frank for her husband. As part of the plan, she agrees to marry Warehouse but only if he first disinherits Frank and invests her with his property. Salewit, playing the French priest, reads not from the scriptures but rather from Rabelais when he "marries" Dorcas to Warehouse. Once 'married,' Dorcas will not let Warehouse touch her but claims to have married him for his money and to use him as her cloak when she has lovers come to her. It is all a ruse, of course, and she marries Frank (offstage) only to return with the news that she is really Susan Seathrift and had been betrothed to Frank many years before (when he left her).
DRAKE
Only mentioned. The captain tells the onlookers that the fish can speak and, when caught, already knew to say Drake and Hawkins, undoubtedly learning those names when the men sailed around the world.
EAVLIN
A "ghost character." Scruple's daughter. Mrs. Scruple claims that Susan Seathrift took Eavlin's gown and ruff in order to sneak off.
FISH, WONDERFUL
A disguise put on Timothy. When Timothy grows drunk and falls asleep at Roseclap's Ordinary, Quarterfield and the others dress him as a fish and charge a shilling for people to come and see him. The fish was supposedly taken in the Indes, off the coast of Peru, where it could walk on land and ravish the women. The Danish supposedly wanted to buy the fish and train it to sink Spanish ships.
FOOTMEN, TWO
One footman tells Frank that Madam Aurelia wishes to speak to him. The second footman announces and accompanies Timothy, fantastically dressed as a knight, into Aurelia's presence. After the marriage, he returns to say the knight is in his wedding bed calling for his bride. After the faux marriage, they bring in two "night pieces" for the new bride, Dorcas. When Warehouse pulls the curtains aside the 'pictures' turn out to be Bright and Newcut.
FRANK or FRANCIS PLOTWELL
Warehouse's nephew. He is posing as a reformed man after being riotous while at the Temple and studied silkmen's books more than the law. He promises to learn the trade while Warehouse is away but immediately rejects trade once Warehouse leaves. Warehouse wants him to marry Susan Seathrift for her dowry, but Frank has cast her off because though she his handsome and witty, her schoolmaster has made her a 'rank Puritan.' He engages in a war of wits along with Bright, Newcut, and Timothy, and she bests them. She asks Frank to remain behind. We learn from their conversation that she is actually his sister, Penelope, and he is furnishing her money from Warehouse's coffers to maintain her disguise as a wealthy woman. The plan is to catch her a worthy, wealthy husband. He plots to marry her to Timothy, promising that she will be able to smooth his rough city edges. He is glad to learn that his uncle has drowned and made him an heir. He is shocked a moment later when his uncle unmasks and disowns him. To thwart his uncle's plan to marry and get a child, he formulates a plan to have him marry Lady Aurelia. He is impressed when he learns his sister has changed the plan to include Dorcas marrying Warehouse and agrees that if she plays her part well he will marry Dorcas himself. After the faux marriage, he goes to Warehouse to warn him off of marrying Dorcas, saying that she is notorious. When the disguised Cypher brings news that Warehouse has lost two ships at sea, Frank gets Warehouse's promise to enrich him if Frank can make all well again. He returns with Roseclap who tells Warehouse that Dorcas is already married. After Warehouse signs over three fourths of his ships in assurances, Frank reveals the trick. He has himself married Dorcas, who is actually Susan Seathrift to whom he was once betrothed. He is overjoyed to learn his father is alive and has been pretending to be Baneswright.
HAWKINS
Only mentioned. The captain tells the onlookers that the fish can speak and, when caught, already knew to say Drake and Hawkins, undoubtedly learning those names when the men sailed around the world.
HISTRIOMASTIX
Only mentioned. Madam Aurelia prays to Histriomastix to deliver her from the zealous Dorcas.
HOFFMAN, GOODY
Madam Aurelia's nickname for Dorcas.
HOLLAND, MRS.
A seamster on the Exchange and Mrs. Seathrift's gossip. She gave a groat to see the captain's last wonderful fish and refuses to pay twelve pence to see the new one. When told that the fish eats five crowns each day in fry, ox livers, and brown paste, she gives the three shillings to cover admission for herself, Mrs. Seathrift, and the prentice. The fish turns out to be Timothy, drunken and asleep, dressed up. She is completely taken in and amazed by the wonderful fish. She is on hand when the footmen bring in the 'night pieces' for Dorcas and wishes someone would send her such 'pictures' as Bright and Newcut.
LADY, CHOLERIC
A "ghost character." Baneswright knows of a choleric lady who is about to fire a maid who will fit Lady Aurelia's needs perfectly.
LAWYER
A mute character. He goes with Warehouse to Aurelia's house. He has Warehouse's blank deeds with which to invest Dorcas with Warehouse's property for their marriage.
MILL
Roseclap's wife. She calls her husband a fool for asking Quarterfield to settle his reckoning, knowing he will be beaten for it.
NEWCUT
One of two Templars along with Bright, one of Frank Plotwell's "Fleet street friends." Bright and Newcut tear off Frank's velvet jacket (his merchant weeds) and tell him to put on one of his Temple suits of silk. They propose to go to Roseclap's and meet Captain Quartfield and Salewit and attempt to see a new lady in London, Aurelia, who lives like a queen by her wits alone. He engages in a war of wits along with Bright, Timothy, and Frank, and she bests them. Bright and Newcut overhear Baneswright's plan to marry Warehouse to Lady Aurelia and go to dissuade her from the match. They try to talk her out of marrying the cold old man and taking instead their friend Frank Plotwell. She says she knows him to be only a prodigal and abused with the company of Bright and Newcut who live by "the new heresy" of Platonic Love. They agree later to help Frank in his plan to abuse Warehouse. After the faux marriage, the footmen bring in two "night pieces" for the new bride, Dorcas. When Warehouse pulls the curtains aside the 'pictures' turn out to be Bright and Newcut.
PENELOPE PLOTWELL
old Plotwell's daughter. She was a seamstress indentured to Mrs. Holland at the Exchange before taking on the disguise of Madam Aurelia and becoming the toast of London. Frank is supplying her the money to maintain the disguise from their Uncle Warehouse's coffers. The plan is to catch her a worthy, wealthy husband. Frank plots to marry her to Timothy, promising that she will be able to smooth his rough city edges. She agrees to go along with her brother's later plan to marry Lady Aurelia to their uncle Warehouse. She appears in the final scene, happily married now to Timothy. See also AURELIA.
PLOTWELL, OLD
Frank's father. He was destroyed by Seathrift, escaped the counter, went into Ireland with his daughter, leaving the Exchange, and has not been heard from since. He has returned, however, disguised as Baneswright. He unmasks at the very end of the play.
PRENTICE
A mute character. He accompanies Mrs. Seathrift and Mrs. Holland to Roseclap's Ordinary when they go to see the wonderful fish. The fish turns out to be Timothy, drunken and asleep, dressed up.
QUARTFIELD
A captain. He beats Roseclap for daring to ask him to pay his reckoning. He's run a tab for twelve months and pays only in promises. He dresses as a trumpeter to lead in Mrs. Seathrift and Mrs. Holland to see his wonderful fish. This is his fifth wonderful fish, the others have looked like mermaids, porcupines, and the like. The fish turns out to be Timothy, drunken and asleep, dressed up. He and Baneswright come in the final scene in disguise to assure Warehouse's 'lost' ships. They engage in the assurances with Warehouse.
QUEEN
A "ghost character." She is a customer of Mrs. Holland and often buys bonelace from her.
READER
A "ghost character." Bright and Newcut say they were called away by the benchers to contribute to one of them that has become a Reader.
ROBIN GOODFELLOW
Only mentioned. Timothy wrote a speech for "a green Robin Goodfellow" to be spoken from the Cheapside conduit for a merchant company.
ROSECLAP
One that keeps an Ordinary. Quarterfield beats him when he again asks that the reckoning be settled. He accompanies Frank in the last trick and assures Warehouse that the 'whore' Dorcas is already married.
SAILOR
Disguise adopted by Cypher. He tells Warehouse that two of his ships are lost at sea. After Warehouse signs away three quarters of the ships' worth in assurances, he unmasks and reveals that the ships are safe.
SALEWIT
A poet and friend of Quarterfield. He tells Roseclap that persons without money are privileged and may eat without paying. He dresses as a trumpeter to lead in Mrs. Seathrift and Mrs. Holland to show them to the wonderful fish. The fish turns out to be Timothy, drunken and asleep, dressed up. He plays the part of a French Deacon in Frank's stratagem. See also DEACON, FRENCH.
SCRUPLE
A Puritan schoolmaster. He lost his charge, Penelope Plotwell, when she disappeared with her father.
SCRUPLE, MRS
. Scruple's wife. She earns the Seathrifts' ire when their daughter Susan runs away from her school.
SEATHRIFT
A merchant. He ruined Frank Plotwell's father. He and Warehouse go to sea together leaving Frank and Timothy behind in charge to test their reformation from being Temple roarers. He returns a few hours later, not having gone to sea, to discover that Timothy went with Frank to Roseclap's Ordinary. He sends Cypher to tell the boy that Seathrift has died. He hears his son weep at the news only because his mother didn't also die. He unmasks and disowns the boy. He accuses the Scruples of letting his daughter Susan escape. He is delighted, however, to learn that she has been disguised as Dorcas and has married Frank Plotwell to whom she was betrothed years earlier.
SEATHRIFT, MRS.
Seathrift's wife. She accompanies Mrs. Holland to see the captain's wonderful fish. The captain tells the onlookers that the fish can speak and, when caught, already knew to say Drake and Hawkins, undoubtedly learning those names when the men sailed around the world. She is shocked that her daughter has planned to elope, but tries to mediate between her husband and Scruple. She is delighted, later, to learn that Susan has been disguised as Dorcas and has married Frank Plotwell to whom she was betrothed years earlier.
SUSAN SEATHRIFT
Seathrift's daughter. Although she is witty and handsome, according to Frank Plotwell, her schoolmaster has made her a 'rank Puritan.' It is unrevealed until play's end that she is in disguise as Dorcas. See also DORCAS.
TIMOTHY
Seathrift's son. He has been a rioter in the Temple and drank wine at his father's cost. With his father away at sea, he's resolved to roar and enjoy himself. He aspires to be an Inns of Court man like Bright and Newcut and to take a part in their next masque. He engages in a war of wits along with Bright, Newcut, and Frank, and she bests them. He is pleased later to learn from Frank the lady wishes to marry him. He is made drunk and the others dress him as a strange fish caught in the Indies and charge a shilling for people to come stare at him. He weeps when he hears that his father has drowned and made him an heir but only because his mother didn't die, too. He is shocked a moment later when his father unmasks and disowns him. He agrees to participate in Frank's plan, and comes to Aurelia dressed fantastically as a knight. He marries Aurelia and goes ahead of her (in mid-afternoon) to await her in bed. He appears again in the final scene happily married.
TRADESMAN
A "ghost character." Newcut jokes that the Temple considered hiring such a fellow as Frank Plotwell has become to be an apostate in their antimasque.
WAREHOUSE
A merchant, threescore and ten years old. He took Frank Plotwell under his wing when old Plotwell, destroyed by Seathrift, escaped from the counter and disappeared. Before making Frank his heir, however, he plans to fake his own death to see if the boy is worthy. He has taken Frank from the Temple to teach him the merchant trade. He and Seathrift go to sea together leaving Frank and Timothy behind in charge. He returns a few hours later, not having gone to sea, to discover that Frank changed into his silks and went to Roseclap's Ordinary. He sends Cypher to tell the boy that Warehouse has died. He then disguises himself as a Cobbler. He witnesses his nephew's joy at the news of his death and plans to open his cellar so the wine flows as free as at an Ordinary. He unmasks and disowns the boy. He hires Baneswright to find him a wife to get a new heir upon. He agrees to marry Lady Aurelia in the French church (and language) because it does not require a license (and Baneswright tells him that Frank has bribed all the offices not to grant him a marriage license). He discovers that there's been a mistake and he is to marry Dorcas rather than Aurelia. He is satisfied with that arrangement and agrees to settle his property upon her and disinherit Frank. He has brought his lawyer for that very purpose. Salewit, playing the French priest, reads not from the scriptures but rather from Rabelais when he "marries" Dorcas to Warehouse. Once alone with his 'wife' Dorcas will not let him touch her but claims to have married him for his money and to use him as her cloak when she has lovers come to her. He is aghast to have been tricked, robbed, and cuckolded all at once. He also learns (from a disguised Cypher) that two of his ships are lost at sea. He agrees to enrich Frank if he can, as he says, make all well. He is further angered when Bright and Newcut arrive to be Dorcas' "night pieces." He undertakes assurances with the disguised Quartfield and Baneswright to assure Warehouse's 'lost' ships to give three parts of his ships to have the fourth secured. He immediately learns that Frank has tricked him. His ships are safe. He has given three quarters of the profit to Frank through the assurances. Dorcas is chaste and has now married Frank because her marriage to Warehouse was a sham. He realizes his foolishness and forgives them. He is overjoyed when Baneswright unmasks and proves to be his lost brother Plotwell. He invites everyone in to the feast he had intended for his own wedding.
WATERMAN
Disguise adopted by Cypher. He tells Frank and Timothy (still dressed as the wonderful fish) that their uncle and father have both drowned eight miles east of Greenwich, their boat crushed by a coal barge.