I.ii: Celestina, a widow but only sixteen years of age, chastises her steward for being niggardly with her extravagant requests to fit out her coach with plush and such like.

Haircut, a stranger to her, is announced. He proposes to make love to her. He hints vaguely that he is a worthy man connected to the court. He will not betray his position. She accepts his suit.

II.i: Frederick, Lady Bornwell's nephew, is recalled from university by his aunt. Bornwell is pleased to see the young man and is proud of his scholastic achievement, but Lady Bornwell is shocked at his black robes, which are out of fashion in the city for anything but mourning. She endeavors to have him converted into a fop. She has her steward order him new clothes and provide money for him as well as wine. She solicits Kickshaw and Littleworth to tutor him in the ways of court. The decadent life immediately appeals to Frederick. Bornwell is unhappy at the turn of events but knows he must keep quiet in order ultimately to win his wife back to common sense.

II.ii: Celestina confides to her waiting women that although she will play at love she is determined not to fall in love. Scentwell enters, a man of modest lands but extravagant in his show. He arrives with Haircut. They court her together, acting civilly to one another openly but whispering the other's defects to Celestina. Scentwell hints that haircut is no courtier but a hanger-on in court. He says he can prove it by demonstration.

Bornwell enters and asks to speak with her privately. He tells her that he wishes to be her suitor, but he is foiled by her knowledge of her marriage. He invites her to be his guest at a supper party at his house. His hope is to make Lady Bornwell jealous with the pretty young and rich Celestina. He tells no one of his plan. Celestina accepts his invitation.

III.i: Haircut is with Lord, a well-to-do widower. Lady Decoy comes to Lord and offers to act as bawd for him and Lady Bornwell. She admits that she has not broached the matter with the lady yet. She is waiting to see if Lord might be interested first. Lord is disgusted at the thought because Lady Bornwell is his kinswoman. He orders Decoy from the room but thinks better of it and calls her back. He writes a letter warning Lady Bornwell of Decoy's evil, seals it, and gives it to Decoy to deliver to Lady Bornwell. Lady Decoy believes the letter is a request for an assignation and is happy to carry it to lady Bornwell.

Kickshaw and Littleworth try Lord's famed constancy to his departed wife, whom Lord believes to have been the fairest woman ever to have lived. They praise Celestina above all women and bet Lord that he will be moved to love her upon first sight. Lord takes the bet. Kickshaw and Littleworth go to set up a meeting between them.

III.ii: Lady Bornwell is pleased to learn for Lord's letter that Lady Decoy is a notorious bawd. She plots with Decoy to lure her true love into her bed in such a manner that he will not know it is Lady Bornwell he enjoys. Decoy says that she is quite equal to the task.

Lady Bornwell learns form Littleworth that Bornwell is courting Celestina. Far from jealous, Lady Bornwell sees his infidelity as an invitation to engage in her own. She entreats Littleworth and Kickshaw to go in to where Bornwell is entertaining Celestina and defame her. They agree out of their love for Lady Bornwell.

Lady Bornwell, the fops, Bornwell, Celestina, and an intoxicated Frederick meet. The Ladies exchange a repartee in French, which Frederick takes as an opportunity to speak Latin. Lady Bornwell finds Frederick's behavior vulgar. He is ushered from the company, and the fops begin to defame Celestina. Celestina's wit, however, is too sharp for them, and she turns their jibes upon them. They are too foolish to realize that they are not getting the better of her.

Kickshaw is delivered a letter containing a jewel and a request for an assignation from a secret admirer.

IV.i: Kickshaw is led in by two men. He is blindfolded. He meets Lady Decoy, who is disguised as a hag. Decoy claims to have sent the letter and that she wants to bed Kickshaw. She gives him money and claims that once in bed and in the dark she will turn into a fair maid. Kickshaw suspects that she might be the devil but agrees to go through with the act for fear of being cursed by the witch--and to gain yet more gold. The fair maid in the dark, of course, will be Lady Bornwell.

IV.ii: Frederick enters, his conversion to fop is complete.

When Lady Bornwell meets Kickshaw in her home it becomes apparent that the assignation has taken place. She is relieved to see that he suspects nothing of her part in the night's activities.

Bornwell enters and feigns to have just come from a tryst with Celestina. Lady Bornwell is not jealous as he had hoped she would be.

Scentwell and Haircut enter with Lord to present him to Celestina. As soon as they enter, Scentwell exclaims that Lord's periwig is awry. As soon as Haircut moves to arrange it, Scentwell crows to Celestina that she can now witness just how Haircut is connected to the court--he is Lord's barber. Haircut sees the whole plot at once. He vows revenge.

Lord admits that Celestina is quite attractive, but his fidelity to his late wife remains unshaken. His love for his first wife touches Celestina. She is pleased to have met a virtuous man. Lord collects his bet and departs.

V.i: Lady Bornwell is informed that her husband's riotous behavior has escalated. Bornwell informs her that at their present rate of expenditure they will exhaust their wealth in a month. He is happy to do so, live riotously for a month and then go to the wars and draw a paycheque while Lady Bornwell begs from her friends or sells herself on the street. The prospect of penury works the desired effect on Lady Bornwell.

Frederick enters with Kickshaw. Drunken Littleworth has fallen in the Thames and enters a little later dripping wet. Meantime Frederick tries to seduce his aunt to her great horror. She begins to see what sort of monsters her city life has produced. Kickshaw brags that he has struck a goldmine by fornicating with a demon. To hear herself described as an infernal creature complete with tail and cloven hoof makes Lady Bornwell secretly begin to see herself for the monster that she has become under the city's influence. Kickshaw leaves for another assignation with the wealthy fiend.

Lord and Celestina come to the Bornwells'. On second sight of Celestina, Lord falls in love with her. She rebukes him for not being the gentleman she took him for. Lord stands chastised and ashamed.

Haircut leads Scentwell in and castigates him for humiliating him in his honest employment as serving man to Lord. He gives Scentwell a choice of either fighting a duel or standing without his wig for half an hour. Cowardly Scentwell chooses to stand bare. He excuses his choice by reminding all that dueling is illegal. He fancies he might start a new fashion by eschewing his periwig.

Lady Bornwell enters, fully sobered by her recent revelations. Bornwell admits to having made up the story about their dwindling fortunes. They actually have amble capital to support themselves handsomely.

Lady Bornwell secretly determines to repent having cuckolded her husband. She will do so by redeeming all the evil she finds around her. She first determines to scourge the bawdry of Lady Decoy. When Kickshaw returns without having found his demon, she moves to exorcise his corrupted blood by finding him noble employment at court. Bornwell calls for music, and all are happy.

Bornwell, Lady is the prototype of the Lady of the City Restoration comedy. She deplores the country and its stifling nature and longs to be a great lady in society. She may be a development from Mrs. Yellowhammer (A Chaste Maid in Cheapside), though she is a country girl with city pretensions in line with the latter characters Mrs. Pinchwife (The Country Wife), Harriet (The Man of Mode), Millwood (The London Merchant), and Lady Teazle (The School for Scandal). Lady Bornwell is also a shocking evolution from earlier haughty wives in that she intentionally and readily cuckolds her husband by tricking Kickshaw into her bed. Earlier comedy drew greatly upon the comic situation of the wife trying to bed her lover and failing. Shirley places Lady Bornwell into her lustful sheets without ado. Her conversion is perhaps more human because she has fallen so readily and repented most sincerely.

Celestina in the sixteen-year-old widow happy to remain thus. She is one of the first women on stage who says directly "I don't need a man" and means it. She is never swayed even temporarily from her decision (unlike Olivia from Twelfth Night and even the Duchess from More Dissemblers Besides Women). She is courted by the fools Scentwell and Haircut. She admires Lord for his devotion to his departed wife but does not succumb to his obvious enticements. Rather, she upbraids him when he momentarily forgets himself and declares his love for her. She is saucy and intelligent and more than a match in the war of words that erupts between herself and the foppish Kickshaw and Littleworth.

Decoy, Lady is the bawd. She is not well developed in that Shirley gives us little insight into why she delights in bringing people into licentious beds. In this she may be favorably compared to Maquerelle from Marston's The Malcontent. She initially wishes to help Lord into bed with Lady Bornwell. When Lord rejects her, she helps Lady Bornwell cuckold her husband with Kickshaw. The trick with Kickshaw is to keep him from knowing that it is Lady Bornwell he is enjoying. Lady Decoy arranges to have Kickshaw believe that he is in bed with an enchanted creature, a hag who becomes beautiful in the dark. Lady Decoy becomes the object of Lady Bornwell's conversion when Lady Bornwell repents.

Frederick is Lady Bornwell's nephew. He is called back from university, where he is having success, to be made a city fop. He embraces the role happily. His attempted seduction of his own aunt forces Lady Bornwell to realize the sorts of monsters the city creates.

Haircut is serving man to Lord. He attempts to court Celestina without telling her his true connection to the court. When Scentwell dupes him into revealing himself as Lord's barber, Haircut vows revenge. He exacts his vengeance by requiring Scentwell to stand for half an hour without his periwig.

Kickshaw is a foppish suitor to Lady Bornwell. He is first seen having borrowed a pearl necklace from Lady Bornwell to have it copied. He is tricked into her bed without knowing it is Lady Bornwell in bed with him. Instead, he has been told by the bawd, Lady Decoy, that he is bedding a hag who becomes beautiful in the dark. He believes he is bedding a demon but accepts the situation because it pays well. When he describes his lover as a demon complete with tail and cloven hooves, Lady Bornwell realizes the monster she has become and converts. She determines to convert Kickshaw by finding him honorable employment at court.

Littleworth is a foppish suitor to Lady Bornwell. He assists Kickshaw in tutoring Frederick to become a fop. He loses a war of words with Celestina. While drunk, he falls into the Thames and appears on stage soaking wet.

Lord is an honorable widower who has remained true to his departed wife. He is Haircut's master. When Kickshaw and Littleworth test his constancy to his wife by betting him he will not fall in love at first sight with Celestina, Lord wins the bet. He later, however, does forget himself and declare his love for Celestina. She chastises him for being untrue to the memory of his wife and he is ashamed.

Scentwell is a foppish suitor to Celestina. He tricks his rival, Haircut, into revealing that he is merely a serving man to Lord. To pay for the trick, Scentwell is made to stand for half an hour without his wig.

• setting in the upper classes;
• a main female character enamoured of London life;
• a diatribe upon country life and country manners;
• foppish courtiers and genteel vixens paying one another visits;
• love gaming, secret assignations, and infidelity realized;
• fashionable talk of theatre, gambling, coaches, and clothing;
• scandal-mongering;
• a moral character steering a path through the insanity of London society.

Kickshaw, Littleworth, Haircut, Scentwell, and even Frederick are to varying degrees the pivotal point in English drama between the foolish fops of the earlier stage and the arrogant, squeamish, effete courtier-fops of the Restoration. No longer are they intriguers and vaguely innocent idiots as they are snobs and haughty, licentious dolts.

Middleton's The Family of Love (for background on a reference early in the play to the sect).

Shirley's The Ball (for the reference to it in I.i of this play).