Mulligrub swears that he will see Cockledemoy hanged.

Caqueteur admires Freevill's diamond ring and asks to borrow it so he can impress his mistress. Freevill lends it to Caqueteur.

Everyone leaves for the evening except Freevill and Malheureux. Malheureux insists upon seeing Freevill home to a chaste bed, suspecting his friend of frequenting bawdyhouses. Freevill makes an impassioned defense of Courtesans, but Malheureux is unconvinced. Malheureux prides himself upon his virtue and purity (he seeks to be a stoic, wise man). At last he agrees to go with Freevill to the house of Freevill's Dutch Courtesan, but only "to make her loath the shame she's in."

I.ii sees Cockledemoy and Mary Faugh in the brothel discussing the robbery. It is but a lark to them. Some anti-Catholic sentiment is expressed. Freevill and Malheureux come in looking for Francischina, the Dutch Courtesan. Malheureux is surprised by her beauty and cannot bring himself to believe that anyone so lovely can be wicked. He determines to love her, his passion having gotten the better of him. Freevill is greatly amused by the fall of his friend into passionate distraction.

Act II begins on the next morning. Freevill comes to serenade his beloved Beatrice, to whom he is betrothed. He seems to have given up Francischina altogether. Beatrice gives Freevill her ring as a love token and begs him to be true to her.

After she leaves, Malheureux meets Freevill. Malheureux chastises his ability to reason because it stands in the way of his having Francischina. He envies the birds and beasts that can copulate without guilt or remorse. Cockledemoy overhears and teases Malheureux about his plight. Freevill and Malheureux leave, telling Cockledemoy that Mulligrub is after him and will hang him if he is not careful.

Cockledemoy meets a barber named Holifernes. Holifernes is on his way to shave Mulligrub, who is his godfather. Cockledemoy tells Holifernes that he wants to play a trick on Mulligrub and convinces Holifernes to lend him his barber gear. Cockledemoy then disguises himself with a beard and the accent of "a Northern Barbar" (Scotsman?) and goes off to Mulligrub's.

Francischina and Mary Faugh enter. Francischina is distraught that Freevill has rejected her. She blames Mary for introducing her to such a false lover. Mary reminds Francischina that Mary has set her up with a Spaniard, an Italian, an Irish Lord, a Dutch merchant, a Frenchman, "and now lastly with this English . . . Gentleman." Francischina (with accent) asks Mary to "helpe me to an oder love."

Francischina cannot be calmed and swears to be revenged. Freevill comes in with Malheureux in order to convince her to accept Malheureux as her lover. She is too angry with Freevill, though, and says she has heard of his betrothal to Beatrice. She says of Beatrice, "ick could scratch out her eyes, and sucke the holes" for which Freevill calls her a "puncke rampant" and leaves.

Malheureux, swept up in passion, tries to convince Francischina to bed with him. She finally agrees to do so if Malheureux first kills Freevill and brings her the ring that Beatrice gave him as proof of the deed. Malheureux agrees to do so, but after Francischina leaves he comes to his senses and determines to tell Freevill what she has plotted.

Meanwhile, Mulligrub has pulled together fifteen pounds in order to buy new goblets to replace those stolen by Cockledemoy. Cockledemoy enters disguised as Andrew Sharke, the Barber. While Mulligrub is seated for his shave, Cockledemoy puts a coxcomb on Mulligrub's head to keep it warm. He lathers up Mulligrub's face so that Mulligrub must close his eyes to keep the soap out. He steals the fifteen pounds while Mulligrub chats with him and sneaks away. Mulligrub soon discovers the theft and guesses that it was Cockledemoy that has "poled and shaved me."

Act III opens on Beatrice, her sister Crispinella, and their nurse, Putifer. Crispinella tells of her distaste for kissing. She must kiss any man of stature in her father's house. She says, "I had as live they would break wynd in my lips." When Beatrice objects to the vulgarism, Crispinella wonders why we don't object to words such as "Robbery, Murder, treason" when we object to words denoting natural human functions. In her speech she reflects what has happened to Malheureux when she refers to the "hypocritical vestal virgin" who "speake that with close teeth publikely, which she will receive with open mouth privately." She swears she will never marry, likening husbands to coral, which is soft and subtle underwater-as are suitors-but grow hard when they rise above water-as husbands grow hard after marriage.

Freevill and Tysefew enter. Beatrice tells them that she and Freevill are to be contracted that night. Her father is throwing a masque in their honor. It is suggested that Caqueteur be invited in order to prove a partner for Putifer. At Caqueteur's name, Tysefew recalls that he lent him his diamond the night before (Note: in Act I it was, probably by compositional error, Freevill who lent the ring to Caqueteur). Tysefew suggests that Caqueteur will make some bold claim how he got the ring when he comes to see Crispinella.

Freevill and Tysefew hide when Caqueteur comes in. Crispinella admires the ring, but says she remembers it as being Tysefew's. Caqueteur says that Tysefew pawned it to him in order to pay his meal bill. Tysefew comes out from hiding and confronts Caqueteur, calling him a liar. Caqueteur, to save face, whispers to Crispinella that Tysefew is trying to save face and that he forfeits the ring for his outrage. Then Caqueteur whispers to Tysefew that he has told Crispinella the truth about the ring, that it is not pawned at all, but Crispinella tells Tysefew what Caqueteur really said-that Tysefew forfeited his pawned ring for his outburst. All is resolved when Caqueteur agrees to partner Putifer at the masque.

III.ii Malheureux meets Freevill and tells him of Francischina's plot to have him killed. Freevill asks Malheureux if he can give her up. Malheureux replies that his passion controls him, and he cannot for any reason cure himself of her. Freevill offers a counterplot: Malheureux and he should feign an argument at the masque, step outside as if to fight, and hide themselves. Then Freevill will lend Malheureux his ring and allow his friend to enjoy the Dutch Courtesan, everyone believing that Malheureux has killed Freevill.

III.iii Meanwhile, Mulligrub has gone to Burnish, the goldsmith, and obtained a goblet on credit. Cockledemoy, disguised as a French peddler, observes the transaction. He overhears Mulligrub threaten to torture Cockledemoy in prison before seeing him hanged. Mulligrub sends the goblet to his house via messenger. Cockledemoy follows the messenger and, after the goblet is delivered to Mrs. Mulligrub, he tells her that he has been sent to fetch the goblet back to have Mulligrub's arms engraved on it. He gives her some smoked salmon, saying that the Burnishes and Mulligrub will come to have supper tonight. Mrs. Mulligrub, being shrewd, asks for some token from her husband. Cockledemoy says that Mulligrub sent him with the token that he had been dry shaved that morning. Mrs. Mulligrub believes him and gives him the goblet.

While Mrs. Mulligrub is preparing for the salmon feast, Mulligrub returns. Mulligrub believes that the messenger who brought the fish has mistaken the house and bids his wife to sit and enjoy the salmon before the messenger returns for it. When he learns that she gave the goblet in return for the salmon, Mulligrub goes into a fit of rage and runs out looking for Cockledemoy. Cockledemoy enters and tells Mrs. Mulligrub that her husband was only fooling, he really did know about the goblet, and that the salmon was to be taken to the Burnishes' house where they were all invited. Mrs. Mulligrub, much relieved, gives him the salmon, and he leaves. Mulligrub enters to discover that he doesn't have even the salmon to mitigate his loss.

Act IV begins at the masque. Freevill and Malheureux execute their plan precisely. Malheureux asks what if he's caught and charged with Freevill's murder. Freevill says he will hide at the jeweler's shop of Shatewes, and Malheureux must only send someone there to prove his innocence. After Malheureux leaves, however, Freevill soliloquizes that he will not go to Shatewes' but disguise himself in order to teach Malheureux a lesson about being controlled by passion.

IV.i shifts to the bawdyhouse. Malheureux has come to collect his promise from Francischina. She tells Mary Faugh to send him away for two hours on the pretense that she is making herself beautiful for their tryst. She says that now that she has the ring and Freevill is dead, she will see Malheureux hang for the murder and will torment Beatrice with the ring. She sends Mary to find a man to escort her through the town. Back at the masque Francischina enters with her escort-who is Freevill disguised as a pander. She tells them that Malheureux has killed Freevill and bids them follow her to set a trap for him. She insists to Beatrice that Freevill betrayed her with Francischina, but Beatrice blames only herself if Freevill was untrue.

Constables are set in the courtyard around Francischina's house to catch Malheureux. Mulligrub finds Cockledemoy and tries to catch him, managing to tear off his cloak. Cockledemoy runs to the constables and tells them that a thief disguised as a Vintner who has stolen his cloak is pursuing him. When Mulligrub enters in pursuit he is arrested and placed in the stocks. Cockledemoy reenters dressed as a bellman and finds Mulligrub in the stocks. He tells Mulligrub that he knows him to be a fine fellow. Mulligrub sends the "bellman" to act as a character witness to the constables. Cockledemoy goes to the constables and tells them that Mulligrub is a most wanted and desperate fellow. The constables decide to take Mulligrub out of the stocks and straight to prison.

Act V finds Francischina leading Lyonel, Tysefew and Officers into her chamber in order to set a trap for Malheureux. They hide when Malheureux comes in and listen as Francischina gets Malheureux to confess to killing Freevill. They leap out and arrest him at once. Malheureux sees the treachery and tells them that Freevill is at the house of Shatewes the jeweler. After he is taken off, Francischina instructs the disguised Freevill to go torment Beatrice. She then exults in her evil plans.

V.ii Beatrice and Crispinella are comforting one another; neither believes that Freevill was untrue. The disguised Freevill enters and reveals that it is he in disguise. Beatrice faints. He begs their forgiveness for the deception and asks them to keep his secret a little longer. Tysefew enters to tell them the news that Malheureux has been found guilty of murder and sentenced to hang along with the Vintner, Mulligrub.

V.iii At the execution, Cockledemoy, disguised as a Sergeant, picks Malheureux's pocket. On the scaffold Malheureux realizes the folly of passion, and upon that realization Freevill unmasks and saves him; he tells everyone that Francischina is to blame, and she is arrested.

Next, Mulligrub is brought on. Mrs. Mulligrub comes in to see him hanged and flirts with the Sergeant/Cockledemoy while waiting for the hanging. Mulligrub on the scaffolding forgives all the people to whom he owes money and tells his debtors to pay his wife. Cockledemoy asks what Mulligrub wishes for Cockledemoy and Mulligrub gives him his forgiveness. Having been publicly forgiven, Cockledemoy unmasks and acquits Mulligrub. He restores all he has stolen from Mulligrub and says that all he has done has been done was for Euphoniae gratia, "for Wit's sake."

All ends happily, Francischina is taken to prison, and the lovers go off to be married while Mulligrub and Cockledemoy are reconciled.

Freevill is slightly problematic. In the first scene he seems to favor keeping a whore and praises the practice. It is his Dutch Courtesan, Francischina, that he introduces to Malheureux and who causes all the problems. One must question his taste (unless we view his lust in the light of Malheureux's affection for the lady, in which case we must question Freevill's control of his passion.) He seems to drop Francischina at the end of Act I; he is seriously courting the virginal Beatrice at the beginning of Act II. He thereafter acts as the curative for Malheureux's passion, but again his methods are questionable. He seems not to see consequences in his actions. When he hides rather than going to the jewelers, he causes not only Malheureux but also Beatrice great distress. And insofar as Beatrice is concerned, he takes almost sadistic pleasure in seeing her love of him tested. Although he does sincerely apologize for his actions, he probably should not have hurt her in the first place.

Malheureux is Marston's vision of stoics. As with Andrugio in his Antonio's Revenge, the stoic is a paper-thin veneer over a passionate man. The oft-advanced commentary that Marston approved of stoicism is faulty in light of Malheureux. Stoics, according to Marston, apparently talk a good game but are as susceptible to the passions as are other men. Because of their loftier cast of mind, they have a farther drop into the pits of passionate attachment.

Mulligrub is foil to Malheureux in the subplot. He is linked to Malheureux in several aspects. First, his name means "to be down in the dumps" as does Malheureux's (French for "unhappy"); second, he is given to passionate outbursts which he cannot control; third, he requires an agent to mistreat him in order to bring him to his senses; fourth, he and Malheureux join one another on the gallows, brought low by their passion.

Mistress Mulligrub embodies Marston's love of rhetorical self-commentary. She likes her words and is conscious of her turns of phrase. (cf. the discussion of Gonzago in The Fawn).

Cockledemoy is to Mulligrub what Freevill is to Malheureux, the remedy for passion. He is "a witty City companion" and a bawd, but there is no real harm in him. He is described by Holifernes as "A thick elderly stub-bearded fellow" (Act II). Like Freevill, he assumes disguises in order to torment his target (in the play he is, among other things, a French peddler, a Scots barber, a bellman, and a messenger sent from Master Burnish).

Tysefew and Crispinella have an interesting subplot that never really gets going.

Crispinella, apart from Francischina, is probably the most interesting female figure in the play. She has a mind of her own and is not shy about expressing herself. Still, she is as virtuous as her sister (Beatrice) is, but she manages to avoid being made weak because of her virtue-unlike her sister.

Caqueteur is wholly extraneous to the story and could almost be removed entirely with no one being the wiser. He is involved in the ring business with Tysefew and Crispinella, but disappears quickly thereafter and is only mentioned later, in Act V, when he is denied admittance to see Crispinella. He is, both to Crispinella and to the drama itself, "Honorificabilitudinitatibus: a great deale of sound and no sence: his companie is like a parenthesis, to a discourse you may admit it, or leav it out, it makes no matter."