Adriana is maid and confidante to Changeable Taffeta. She and Taffeta discuss the men who pass below their window, and Taffeta sends Adriana to invite Thomas Boutcher into the house. Boutcher bribes Adriana to press his case with Taffeta. Adriana discusses Taffeta's suitors with her, and flirts with the disguised Constantia Sommerfield. Later, she announces the arrival of the drunken Captain Face and advises Sir Oliver Smallshanks to hide from him under Taffeta's farthingale. She brings the message that Lady Sommerfield needs Justice Tutchin. When Taffeta agrees to marry Sir Oliver, she reminds him that she should be paid 'smock fees," since her mistress will now be a lady. Adriana allows William into the house to see Taffeta when he claims to bear letters from Sir Oliver. The next morning, Adriana and Vi strew herbs before the planned wedding of Taffeta to Sir Oliver.
BUTLER
A disguise assumed by Lieutenant Beard as he helps William in the deception of Sir Oliver Smallshanks. He plays the part of the butler of "Constantia Sommerfield," who is really the courtesan Francis impersonating Constantia.
CAPTAIN FACE
Captain Face is also known as Captain Puff. He was a friend of the now-deceased husband of Changeable Taffeta, and now goes around London boasting that he is married to her. He threatens Sir Oliver Smallshanks, a rival for Taffeta's hand, and comes to her house drunk, protesting that he is her true husband. Taffeta persuades Thomas Boutcher to get rid of Face for her. Boucher meets with Face in the ordinary and, with the help of William Smallshanks and Constantia Sommerfield, makes him stand on the table and behave like a performing animal. After this humiliation, Face gives up his claim on Taffeta.
CAPTAIN PUFF
Captain Puff is also known as Captain Face.
CHANGEABLE TAFFETA
Changeable Taffeta is the widow of Master Taffeta, a rich merchant. She and her maid Adriana sit in the widow and pass comment on the men who pass below. Seeing Thomas Boutcher, Taffeta drops her handkerchief to get his attention and sends Adriana to invite him into her house. After their inconclusive flirtation, she vows to court him, noting that "women must woo, / When men forget what Nature leads them to." Taffeta is also wooed by Sir Oliver Smallshanks, and Captain Face. When Captain Face comes to her house claiming to be her rightful husband, she calls on her men to eject him. Having lost her passion for Boutcher, she persuades him to rid her of Captain Face, secure in the prospect of laughing at both men's disgrace. Taffeta agrees to marry Sir Oliver because she wants to gain the social position that being his wife would guarantee. She banishes Sir Oliver's son William Smallshanks from her house when he disparages her desire to marry Sir Oliver. However, William comes to her at night and woos her; he eventually draws his sword and forces her to kiss him. She responds positively to this treatment and agrees to marry him, disgusted by the inert behavior of her other suitors.
CONSTABLE
The Constable brings Francis and Thomas Smallshanks to the house of Changeable Taffeta
CONSTANTIA SOMMERFIELD
Constantia Sommerfield is the daughter of Lady Sommerfield and is the heir to the estate of the now-deceased Sir John Sommerfield. At the opening of the play she has disguised herself as a page in order to follow Thomas Boutcher, with whom she is in love, because she suspects that he is unfaithful to her. She enters his service by disguising as a boy and presenting him with a letter from herself, recommending the "page" to him. When they go to visit William Smallshanks, Constantia is surprised to hear William tell Boutcher to inform Throat that he plans to elope with "Constantia Sommerfield." She does not protest, but goes on Boutcher's order to Thomas Shallshanks, requesting him to meet with William. Constantia plays the role of the witty page in dialogue with Boutcher, Adriana and Dash, and advises Boutcher on his wooing of Changeable Taffeta. Constantia and William help Boucher to humiliate Captain Face. William tells Boutcher that he should not bother with Taffeta because Constantia is in love with him, but this does not stop Boutcher from trying to hang himself when he realizes that Taffeta is to marry another man. William explains that he (not Sir Oliver Smallshanks) has married Taffeta, and Constantia offers to help Boutcher to marry Constantia Sommerfield. When Lady Sommerfield demands to know where her daughter is, Constantia reveals herself and declares her love for Boutcher. They are betrothed.
DASH
Dash is a clerk in the service of Throat, for whom he prepares documents and runs errands. Questioned by Throat, Dash gives a positive description of the social function of the law, which is scorned by his master. Dash shows Thomas Boutcher and Constantia Sommerfield into Throat's office and discusses the law with Constantia while Boutcher talks to Throat. He is sent by Throat to find out whether Lady Sommerfield has come to her house in St John's Street. Dash helps Throat to carry away "Constantia"—really the courtesan Francis impersonating Constantia—as the wedding party proceeds to the Savoy. When Francis is arrested, Dash goes to warn Throat not to go to Lady Sommerfield's house.
DRAWER
The Drawer works in the Counter where Francis is held after her arrest. He stands aside to listen to the exchange between Francis and the Sergeant. After the departure of Francis and Lieutenant Beard, the Drawer attends Captain Face.
FIRST CITIZEN
The First Citizen is a friend of the Second Citizen. They had fallen out, but consulted with Throat and are now reconciled. Throat advises them to go to the tap-house, to drink and then quarrel again, so that they will be forced to return to him for arbitration.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
The First Gentleman assists Throat in the abduction of "Constantia Sommerfield"—really Francis impersonating Constantia. With the Second Gentleman, he distracts William Smallshanks, Thomas Boutcher, Lieutenant Beard and Thomas Smallshanks while Throat and Dash make off with "Constantia."
FRANCIS
Francis is a courtesan. She is in love with William Smallshanks, who brought her to London from the country and introduced her to a bawd, Mistress Sell-smock. She vows to help him in his schemes, and he promises to find her a rich husband. Francis impersonates Constantia Sommerfield in order to fool Sir Oliver Smallshanks and Throat into thinking that William has made a profitable marriage. She is "persuaded" by Throat not to marry William, and sneaks away with Throat and Dash during an ambush by the First Gentleman and Second Gentleman. She "rejects" William, persuading Throat to return the mortgage that William forfeited. The still-disguised Francis tells Throat that she will go to see her "mother," Lady Sommerfield, and prepare the way for his meeting her, but she is arrested en route in order to avoid the visit. The Sergeant informs Francis, however, that a suit has been brought against her by Mistress Sell-smock, her former bawd, who claims that Francis owes her £8 in recompense for six weeks' board and five weeks' loan of a red taffeta gown bound with a silver lace. Francis tries to bribe the Sergeant to release her by offering him sexual favors, but is interrupted and carried off by Lieutenant Beard. Beard loses Francis to an ambush by Thomas Smallshanks and his men. The Constable brings Thomas and Francis to the house of Changeable Taffeta, and Lady Sommerfield denies that Francis is her daughter. Throat attempts to have his marriage to Francis dissolved, but is eventually reconciled with her.
JUSTICE TUTCHIN
Justice Tutchin is the brother of Lady Sommerfield and the uncle of Constantia Sommerfield. Sir Oliver Smallshanks tells him that William has "stolen" Constantia. They are amused by the behavior of Captain Face; when he sees them he threatens Sir Oliver, warning him to stay away from Changeable Taffeta. Tutchin accompanies Sir Oliver to Taffeta's house, and tries to advise him in his wooing. He is called to Lady Sommerfield's London house and, after dining with Taffeta, goes to Lady Sommerfield to tell her the news that William has possession of Constantia. He offers to have William arrested, and attends Lady Sommerfield during the visit of Throat. Throat claims to have married Constantia, and Justice Tutchin arrests him for felony. When Beard brings the news of the capture of "Constantia"—really the courtesan Francis impersonating Constantia—Tutchin has him arrested too.
LADY SOMMERFIELD
Lady Sommerfield is the mother of Constantia Sommerfield, the widow of Sir John Sommerfield and the sister of Justice Tutchin. She has a house on St John's Street, and comes to town when she finds that her daughter has disappeared. Tutchin tells her that William Smallshanks has kidnapped Constantia, but Lady Sommerfield is then confronted by Throat, who thinks that he has married Constantia and claims to be Lady Sommerfield's new son-in-law. Lady Sommerfield is horrified. She comes to the house of Changeable Taffeta in search of William Smallshanks, accompanied by Tutchin, Throat and Lieutenant Beard. William denies that he has seen Constantia and reveals that the woman Throat has married was the courtesan Francis.
LIEUTENANT BEARD
Lieutenant Beard is an associate of William Smallshanks. He helps William in the deception of Sir Oliver Smallshanks, playing the part of the butler of "Constantia Sommerfield," who is really the courtesan Francis impersonating Constantia. Beard urges "Constantia" to marry Throat instead of William, and claims that William owes him thirteen pounds. He carries the torch as William, "Constantia," Thomas Boutcher and Thomas Smallshanks proceed to the Savoy; en route they are attacked, and Throat and Dash make off with "Constantia." When Francis is arrested, Beard goes to fetch bail for her; he returns and releases her, enraged by the attempt of the Sergeant to solicit sexual favors from Francis. Beard loses "Constantia" to an ambush by Thomas Smallshanks and his men. He decides that William was behind the ambush, and that Francis must really be the heir, Constantia. Beard goes to the house of Lady Sommerfield and tells Throat that he has lost her; he is arrested by Justice Tutchin and brought to the house of Changeable Taffeta, where he helps Throat to accuse William.
MASTER TAFFETA
A "ghost character." Master Taffeta was a rich merchant and the husband of Changeable Taffeta. He died some time before the opening of the play.
MISTRESS SELL-SMOCK
A "ghost character." Mistress Sell-smock is a bawd who formerly represented Francis; William Smallshanks introduced Francis to her. She brings a suit against Francis claiming that she owes £8 in recompense for six weeks" board and five weeks" loan of a red taffeta gown bound with a silver lace.
PAGE
A disguise adopted by Constantia Sommerfield in order to follow Thomas Boutcher, with whom she is in love, because she suspects that he is unfaithful to her. She enters his service by disguising as a boy and presenting him with a letter from herself, recommending the "page" to him.
PEACOCK
A "ghost character." Peacock is one of the clients of Throat.
SECOND CITIZEN
The Second Citizen is a friend of the First Citizen. They had fallen out, but consulted with Throat and are now reconciled. Throat advises them to go to the tap-house, to drink and then quarrel again, so that they will be forced to return to him for arbitration.
SECOND GENTLEMAN
The Second Gentleman assists Throat in the abduction of "Constantia Sommerfield"—really Francis impersonating Constantia. With the First Gentleman he distracts William Smallshanks, Thomas Boutcher, Lieutenant Beard and Thomas Smallshanks while Throat and Dash make off with "Constantia."
SERGEANT
The Sergeant guards Francis when she is imprisoned. She tries to bribe him to release her by offering him sexual favors, but is interrupted and carried off by Lieutenant Beard.
SERVING-MAN
The Serving-man announces the arrival of Throat at the house of Lady Sommerfield.
SHREDS
A "ghost character." Shreds is a tailor whose wife was abducted by Inns of Court students, as described by Throat.
SIR JOHN SOMMERFIELD
A "ghost character." Sir John Sommerfield was the husband of Lady Sommerfield and the father of Constantia Sommerfield. He died six weeks before the opening of the play.
SIR OLIVER SMALLSHANKS
Sir Oliver Smallshanks is the father of Thomas Smallshanks and William Smallshanks. He has disowned William, his younger son, due to his prodigal behavior, but is reconciled with him when he thinks that William has won the rich heiress Constantia Sommerfield, not knowing that "Constantia" is really Francis impersonating Constantia. He gives "Constantia" a chain worth 400 crowns. Sir Oliver boasts to Justice Tutchin that William has "stolen" Constantia. They are amused by the behavior of Captain Face; when he sees them he threatens Sir Oliver, warning him to stay away from Changeable Taffeta. Sir Oliver nonetheless proceeds to Taffeta's house. When Captain Face approaches, declaring that she is his lawfully betrothed wife, Sir Oliver takes refuge under Taffeta's farthingale, revealing himself only when the furious Face goes to kick it. Taffeta agrees to marry Sir Oliver because she desires the social status that the marriage would give her. Sir Oliver disowns William for a second time because he is disparaging about his union with Taffeta. He goes to Taffeta's house early in the morning, but finds William in his shirt, boasting about his conquest of the widow. Sir Oliver refuses to believe what has happened, and goes home to groom and prepare himself for his wedding. He comes to Taffeta's house to be greeted by William, who explains that he has married Taffeta and that "Constantia" was impersonated by his whore. At the close of the play, William advises Sir Oliver to woo Lady Sommerfield.
SNIPE
A "ghost character." Snipe is one of the clients of Throat; his name suggests that he is foolish and probably gullible.
THIRD GENTLEMAN
The Third Gentleman assists Thomas Smallshanks in his plan to steal "Constantia Sommerfield"—really Francis in disguise—from the custody of Lieutenant Beard.
THOMAS BOUTCHER
Thomas Boutcher is a friend of William Smallshanks and is loved by Constantia Sommerfield. He takes Constantia into his service disguised as a page, thinking that "he" is a servant recommended to him by Constantia, whom he describes as his "noble mistress." He assists William in his plan to regain his lands from Throat, lending him forty shillings and supporting his plan to pass the courtesan Francis off as Constantia. Boutcher finds himself falling for the rich widow Changeable Taffeta, but resists her because he claims that he has been told by a fortuneteller that a widow would endanger his life, soul, lands and reputation. Boutcher goes with Constantia to tell Throat the news that William is to be married to the rich Sommerfield heiress and wants Throat to be his steward. He later goes to speak to Taffeta and is rebuffed by Adriana; Constantia advises him to woo (i.e. to bribe) the maid to get to the lady. At Taffeta's request Boutcher humiliates Captain Face, who is made to get on a tavern table and behave like a performing animal. William tells Boutcher that he should not bother with Taffeta because Constantia is in love with him, but this does not stop Boutcher from trying to hang himself when he realizes that Taffeta is to marry another man. William assists Constantia in reviving Boutcher, and explains that he, and not Sir Oliver, has married Taffeta. Constantia—still in disguise as a page—offers to help Boutcher to marry Constantia Sommerfield, swearing to bring her to him. When Lady Sommerfield demands to know where her daughter is, Constantia reveals herself and declares her love for Boutcher. They are betrothed.
THOMAS SMALLSHANKS
Thomas Smallshanks is the slow-witted brother of William Smallshanks and the older son of Sir Oliver Smallshanks. He professes that he is glad to see Sir Oliver and William reconciled due to William's forthcoming marriage to Constantia Sommerfield. Thomas accompanies William en route to the Savoy, where "Constantia"—really Francis impersonating Constantia—is kidnapped by Throat. Thomas tries to marry "Constantia" himself, and kidnaps her from the custody of Lieutenant Beard; he plans a double wedding with Sir Oliver and Changeable Taffeta. Thomas and Francis are arrested by the Constable and brought to Justice Tutchin at Taffeta's house. At the end, Thomas is left with nobody to marry and has to admit that he is a fool.
THROAT
Throat is an unqualified lawyer, who describes himself as "merely dregs and offscum of the law." He has taken the land of William Smallshanks under a forfeited mortgage. Thomas Boutcher tells him that William has eloped with Constantia Sommerfield, and Throat invites them to his house. Throat plans, however, to swindle William and to steal "Constantia" for himself, not knowing that "Constantia" is really the courtesan Francis. He therefore tells "Constantia" that William is a threadbare prodigal with an idiot father and proposes himself in William's place. Throat marries "Constantia." He returns William's mortgage and pays his debt to Lieutenant Beard on the proviso that William give up all claim to "Constantia." Throat pawns his books to hire fine clothes in which to meet Lady Sommerfield; when he goes to visit her, however, she thinks that Throat is mad, and Justice Tutchin arrests him for felony. Beard tells Throat that he has lost "Constantia" and is also arrested. Justice Tutchin and Lady Sommerfield bring Throat and Beard to the house of Changeable Taffeta, where Throat accuses William. The Constable brings in Thomas Smallshanks and Francis (still disguised as Constantia), and Lady Sommerfield denies that Francis is her daughter. Throat attempts to have his marriage to Francis dissolved, but is eventually reconciled with her.
VI
Vi is a young woman who helps Adriana to strew herbs before the planned wedding of Changeable Taffeta and Sir Oliver Smallshanks.
WILLIAM SMALLSHANKS
William Smallshanks is the younger son of Sir Oliver Smallshanks and the brother of Thomas Smallshanks. He is a prodigal who has run up large debts, lost his land and has been disowned by Sir Oliver. His land was lost to Throat the lawyer, and he plans to regain it. William keeps a whore, Francis, whom he brought to London and introduced to a bawd, Mistress Sell-smock. He now wants to help her to an advantageous marriage. With the help of Thomas Boutcher and Lieutenant Beard, William convinces Sir Oliver and Throat that he has eloped with Constantia Sommerfield, a rich heiress, whom he has Francis impersonate. Sir Oliver is reconciled with his son, and Throat agrees to help him in his marriage while secretly plotting to steal "Constantia" for himself. Throat convinces "Constantia" that William is a wastrel, and she agrees to marry Throat instead. Throat and Dash kidnap "Constantia," and at Throat's connivance, William is arrested for a debt of thirteen pounds owing to Beard. Throat and Francis persuade him to give up all claim to "Constantia" in return for the payment of the debt and the return of his forfeited mortgage. William goes to the house of Changeable Taffeta, who has agreed to marry Sir Oliver, and insults his father. Sir Oliver again disowns him, and Taffeta banishes him from her house. William vows that he will marry Taffeta himself. William helps Boutcher to humiliate Captain Face in order to rid Taffeta of his attentions, but advises Boutcher to forget Taffeta and woo the real Constantia Sommerfield, who is in love with him. Going to Taffeta's house at night, William "woos" her by drawing his sword and forcing her to kiss him. She responds positively to this treatment and agrees to marry him. William tells his father that he is going to marry Taffeta, but Sir Oliver does not believe him and goes home to prepare for the wedding. William helps to revive Boutcher, who tries to hang himself when he discovers that Taffeta is marrying someone else, and advises him to turn to Constantia. Lady Sommerfield, Justice Tutchin, Throat and Boutcher pursue William to Taffeta's house, in search of Constantia, followed by Thomas Smallshanks and Francis. William denies that he has had any contact with the real Constantia, and reveals that "Constantia" is really the courtesan Francis. He persuades Throat to be reconciled with Francis, and advises Sir Oliver to try wooing Lady Sommerfield.
WOODCOCK
A "ghost character." Woodcock is one of the clients of Throat; his name suggests that he is foolish and possibly gullible.